Maybe you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and for a momentary second, you see an unfamiliar person. A tired stranger whose world has shrunk to the rhythm of naps, feeding schedules, and endless laundry. Your old hobbies, your passions, the very things that once defined “you,” now feel like memories from a different lifetime.

If this feels achingly familiar, know this: you are standing in a place where millions of mothers have stood before you. This feeling of “losing yourself” isn’t a sign of failure or a lack of gratitude. It’s a natural, albeit painful, part of the profound identity shift that comes with motherhood.

But here is the most important truth: finding your way back to yourself is not selfish. It’s necessary. A mother who is fulfilled, vibrant, and connected to her own identity is the greatest gift she can give to her family.

This isn’t about choosing between being a “mom” and being “you.” It’s about learning how to be both, beautifully and authentically. Here are 7 practical, real-life ways to begin that journey.

Why Does This Happen? The “Identity Amnesia” of Motherhood

Before we dive into the “how,” let’s quickly understand the “why.” When you become a mother, your brain and your life undergo a massive rewiring. Your focus shifts entirely to nurturing and protecting this tiny, helpless human. Your needs naturally take a backseat.

This, combined with the invisible workload of managing a household and the societal pressure to be a self-sacrificing “supermom,” creates the perfect storm for what we can call “identity amnesia” – a state where you simply forget who you were before becoming a “Mom.”

Reclaiming your identity means the process of slightly reminding yourself.

7 Practical Ways to Reclaim Your Identity

These aren’t grand, time-consuming gestures. They are small, intentional steps that you can start taking today.

1. Schedule a 20-Minute “Me” Appointment

This sounds almost too simple, but its power is immense. Every single day, schedule a non-negotiable 20-minute appointment with yourself. This isn’t for chores or life admin. This is purely for you.

• A Real-Life Example: Sarah, a mother of two toddlers, felt like she was drowning. She started her “Me” Appointment. Every day after putting the kids down for their nap, instead of rushing to do the dishes, she would go to her porch. For 20 minutes, she would sit with a cup of tea and just be. No phone, no to-do list. She would watch the birds or just close her eyes and breathe. She said, “Those 20 minutes didn’t change my workload, but they changed me. They reminded me that I exist as a person, not just as a provider of services.”

2. Reconnect with a “Pre-Mom” Passion

Think back to the woman you were before you had children. What did she love to do? Did she paint? Did she love to hike? Did she get lost in crime novels? You don’t have to reclaim the passion at the same intensity, just a small spark is enough.

• A Real-Life Example: Before kids, Maria loved to sketch. For years, her pencils lay untouched. One day, she bought a small, cheap sketchbook. While her baby slept on her chest, instead of scrolling through her phone, she started doodling. Simple things—a flower, her baby’s tiny foot. The act of creating, of feeling the pencil on paper, was like a homecoming. It was a small part of her old self, alive and well in her new life.

3. Have a “No-Kids” Conversation

It’s easy for every conversation—with your partner, with your friends—to revolve around the children. Intentionally carve out time for conversations that have nothing to do with them.

• A Real-Life Example: Mark and Emily realized they hadn’t talked about a movie, a book, or a political event in months. They made a rule: for the first 20 minutes after the kids were in bed, they were not allowed to talk about schedules, diapers, or daycare. They talked about a new show they were watching or a funny story from work. It was awkward at first, but soon it became the part of the day they looked forward to the most. It reminded them that they were not just co-parents, but partners and individuals.

4. Move Your Body, Just for You

Exercise is often framed as something you should do to “get your body back.” Reframe it. Move your body simply for the joy of feeling strong and alive, not as a punishment or a chore.

• A Real-Life Example: Instead of a high-pressure gym workout, Chloe started putting on her favorite 90s pop playlist and having a 10-minute “dance party” in the living room while her baby was in the playpen. It was silly, it made her laugh, and it made her feel connected to her own body in a fun, pressure-free way. It wasn’t about burning calories; it was about feeling joy.

5. Start a “Could Be” Journal

When you’re bogged down in the day-to-day, it’s hard to dream. Get a simple notebook and call it your “Could Be” journal. In it, write down things you ca do one day. No pressure, no deadline. Just possibilities.

• A Real-Life Example: “Could learn Bengali language.” “Could take a pottery class.” “Could travel to the coast.” Just writing these down reminds your brain that your life is bigger than this one, very demanding, season. It keeps your future self alive.

6. Set a Small, Personal, Non-Mom-Related Goal

A huge part of our identity comes from a sense of accomplishment. In motherhood, the achievements are constant but often invisible. Set a tiny, measurable goal for yourself.

• A Real-Life Example: Jessica decided she would read one book a month. It was a small goal, but it was hers. Finishing that first book gave her a jolt of pride she hadn’t felt in years. It was proof that she could still start something and finish it, just for her. Other ideas could be: learn to cook one new recipe a week, or complete a special task.

7. Build Your “Mom Village” — and Your “Me Village”

Your “Mom Village” is the group of other moms you can talk to about sleep regressions and teething. They are essential. But you also need a “Me Village”—friends who knew you before you were a mother, or friends who connect with you over shared interests outside of parenting. Nurture both.

• A Real-Life Example: Make a point to have a phone call or a coffee date once a month with a friend where the main topic is not your children, but your careers, your hobbies, or your old inside jokes.

It’s Not Selfish; It’s a Gift to Your Family

As the old byword goes, you cannot pour from an empty pot. When you take the time to fill your own cup—to nurture your own identity, heartstrings, and mental health—you don’t take away from your children. You give back to them.

You give them a mother who is more patient, more present, and more joyful. You model for them that a person, and especially a woman, can be a loving caregiver and a whole, complete individual. What a powerful lesson for them to learn.

Your trip back to “you” is not a race. It’s a slow, gentle walk, made up of tiny, loving steps. Start with one. Just one. You, and your family, are worth it.

Disclaimer: This composition is for informational purposes only. If you are experiencing symptoms of postpartum depression or anxiety, it is essential to seek help from a qualified healthcare professional. You are not alone, and help is available.